Ever since I was a little girl I wanted to create art. I love everything about creating. From coloring books, animation, and even Lisa Frank merchandise. I loved it all. I wanted to bring joy into my life and everyone around me, because even as a young child, I saw the struggle my mother had to deal with raising me as a single mother. I met some people and was taken advantage of by some very bad people. I want to wipe that out. I want the world to be colorful. I wanted the world to smile.
As i grew older that light started to fade because i was unable to do the things that I wanted, because I didn’t know how. I had barriers that prevented me from getting there. Either I didn’t have enough money. Or I lived in a small town. I didn’t have an example of greatness to guide me toward my goals. My mother worked hard, but her goals were on a smaller scale than mine.
In my high school years I engaged in a lot of activity that, honestly, should have killed me. Drugs, sex, alcohol. I indulged to hide the pain. I helped others in a way that couldn't help myself, by being there for them. In the end when they didn't need me anymore they were gone.
I Started my college years in the year 2007 and everything kind of went downhill from there. I was learning a lot, but the instruction wasn’t enough to guide me to where i wanted to be. I learned how to paint still lives and nude models, but none of that was presented to me in a way that i could translate to my own work. So i continued to spiral out of control. I experience things from gun violence all the way tp sexual abuse.
In the year of 2010, I didn’t know what to do. I was alone and I was lost. So i ran into the arms of a man that i honestly didn’t love. I left Arizona and moved across country to a place i ended up hating and surrounded myself with people that i really couldn't stand. I honestly only had one real friend through all of that. In 2011 I gave birth to my daughter Dominique. She was my world. But I still felt empty. Eventually, which was to be expected, my relationship ended and i came back to Arizona.
In 2012 I returned to Arizona with my daughter and not long after that my daughter was taken from me through a court battle that I wasn’t even aware of. After that everything became pointless. I ended up pregnant again and during that time my anxiety and depression worsened. By the middle of 2013, before i gave birth I was going to give up my child and that didn't help my depression. So, i ended up trying to commit suicide, while pregnant. Thankfully I was saved by my unborn child. In short I took a bunch of pills and drank alcohol. My unborn baby started flipping out. And that brought me back to reality. I called the only local friend i had. That same night I was admitted to a hospital, where I stayed for 7 days.
Once I got out I decided to move back to Tennessee to be near my oldest daughter. I had abandoned the idea of giving my unborn child up. But i was a zombie. Once I was in Tennessee I quickly realized that being there was not a healthy situation and the people, who wanted to control my every move by using my daugther, would have me suicidal again. During this year I was talking to a man through Facebook. We were good friends and we became closer. He knew I wouldn't survive Tennessee again. So he moved me out to Las Vegas where he was. So after that I started to get better. We moved back to Arizona in 2014. My daughter Aki Mun, that i was pregnant with at the time, is a happy and healthy 2 year old. I also have a 1 year old son Roman with this man that saved me from myself and another bad decision.We are now happily married.
I still don’t have my oldest daughter, who is 4 now, but i know one day she WILL find me. So you see i have had a hard life. Partially due to my bad choices and partially due to lack of direction. My point is that every decision and every path puts creaks in who we are. Some would say I am damaged and others would say that I am broken, but I believe everyone is broken and that is what makes them beautiful. That is what makes us human.